Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize