at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
