chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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