I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
