I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
