i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
