WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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