we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Alive.
So much puke
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
