Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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