you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
