No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize