did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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