Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
