well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
