One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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