I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Randomize
