She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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