I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
