i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
