i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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