I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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