is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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