Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
