i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
