If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
