Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
