mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
