Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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