i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
