I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize