To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
