apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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