The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
