I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize