and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Randomize
