True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
