When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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