you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
