Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
