i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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