Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
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