ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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