the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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