I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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