dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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