Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
