I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize