o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
