I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
