you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
