did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
