your thong is hanging out like whoa
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
