So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
