I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize