Just took my morning after pill in the library
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
