New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
