She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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