IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
