forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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