If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
