I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
