Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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