And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
