ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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