Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
